i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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