mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
