What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
