If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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