it was like eating out sand paper
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize