jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize