yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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