I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
