i was born a porn star she said
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hippo gnu deer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
