i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
