Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
