Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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