Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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