i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
