wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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