my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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