He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
