I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
