shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
