bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
