It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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