i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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