apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
