is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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