you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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