Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize