Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
