Swine flu. Run for my life!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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