so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
