i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
