His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
