I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
