i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
