Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I believe in your delicious
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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