I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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