Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
