NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
