Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
