just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
