I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
