Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
