May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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