Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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