I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
