YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
