There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
