The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
