Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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