I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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