You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
