I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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