that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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