Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Pooping to opera.
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