he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
