shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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