There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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