His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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