You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Randomize
