I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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