A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
