he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
