This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize