Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
