How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
