Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
