Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
