I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
