Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
