is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
