I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
