How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would ride that face into the sunset
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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