You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
