WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
