He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
