Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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