Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
