Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
