I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
