so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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