Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
