Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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