Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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