You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
