If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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