Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize