I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
