i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
