Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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