This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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