the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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