my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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