I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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