We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
