He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
