i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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