I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
