i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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